Sophie, I promise you...

Today I made a resolution. This will be a very difficult thing for me to keep but I shall try my very best. Anyway, here it is:

I will never be late again

And just what inspired me to make this resolution? Well, perhaps it was the fact that I had to stand outside Streatham odeon for 40 minutes waiting for my poor boyfriend who had got stuck in Balham by some kind of train fault and eventually walked half way across south london to get to me. It was HORRIBLE!!!! You just sort of stand there pretending to be doing something (I sent one real texts, typed several pretend texts, and made several phone calls to various friends to bemoan my fate). You try not to look around too much, because when he finally turns up you don't want to be caught gazing desparately around frantically trying to spot anyone who looks like they might be pursuaded to go and see a film with you. Not only was I very much reminded of the reason why I'm always late, but I was almost overcome by a terrible sense of guilt at the realisation that this is what I have put my friends (especially Sophie, I'm sooo sorry) through incessantly for the entire time they have known me.

One occasion that I am now particularly remorseful over is the time that I arranged to meet Sophie to go bowling. The appointed time came and went and I still had not yet left my house. Sophie called to ask where I was, at which point I couldn't bring myself to tell her of my abysmal failure to get ready and assured her I would be there very soon. I knew she would call again when I did not materialise and I would be forced to confess my tardiness so (and this is dreadful I know) I SWITCHED MY PHONE OFF!!! Thereby leaving Sophie stranded in an unknown bowling alley with no way of contacting me. I did eventually arrive 45 minutes late and we began to bowl, but Sophie I am soooooooooooooooo sorry. And you have my word that from now on I am turning over a new leaf.

Oh, and a point of interest. Last night Will had a pint of beer poured over him by an ex-girlfriend and was strangely reticent as to the reason why (he only told me of the incident to explain why he was wearing his friend's clothes as opposed to his). Who wants to start the guessing on what he did to her to make her so mad...

Refute this!

I have had a horrible day. I couldn't sleep last night and I've been worried about standing up all day cause every time I tried to it felt like I was going to pass out. I've had 2 chemistry exams and I have another exam tomorrow and 5 more next week.

You know what? I feel bad about complaining about it. I know that there are people out there who have had much worse days and that compared to theirs mine was alright really. There were good bits in mine, I had some fun chatting to my mates, the exams weren't too hard. I feel dreadful and I can't even tell people about it without feeling guilty!!!!!

Today I was impatient with a girl who needed my help with her chemistry revision, I didn't listen to my friend when she wanted to tell me her news, I snapped at my sister, I practically threw a tantrum over the way my mother cooked my dinner, I believe in killing babies and refusing to bring up children if they're not just how you want them, I wrote a message to make my friend look bad, I lied to another friend just because I couldn't be bothered to find what she wanted, I said some really selfish prayers, I swore just to make myself look cool, I sulk at my friends, and that's just today. I am a bad person.

I don't know if this will work...

Pinkduckling is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.

N POISON

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Back at school, again! 2

So here I am, sitting on the library's catalogue enquiries computer (because Jess took the last proper computer) blogging away again. Jess is sitting right next to me doing exactly the same thing.

The internet's not really working at home at the moment, so school is my only respite from the dull days of revision. I'm in today cause I had a couple of exams this morning. I have been panicking about my biology exams ever since I did really badly on my biology practical 3 weeks ago but it turns out all my worrying was in vain. Biology, whilst not exactly being easy, was nothing like the terror of question after impossible question that I've been dreading for weeks! I'm very cheerful now.

Jess and I have just been to see the school fish. We have been their ardent fans ever since they arrived and have carefully selected names for each new arrival. My favorite name has to be the ones we came up with for the male clown loach (Ken!! - as in Ken Loach for all you uncultured people) and his wife (Barbie!!!), but we also have the angel fish (Gabriel, Lucifer, Cherubim and Seraphim), the Madagascan fish (Saraha and Janjina - named after genuine madagascan towns), and many more, each with lovingly researched names. Two fish (Mr and Mrs Cockatoo if you're interested) had babies recently, which was very exciting, but unfortunately they were all eaten this time. We have hope for more in the future though.

But now I must go, Jess and I are off to do a crossword, what fun!!!

Isn't the world lovely

I love you all!!!

Exams

I suppose I ought to say something now about the exams I've been doing.

I had maths yesterday and two physics exams today. Maths was fairly straightforward, physics was a bit more difficult but nothing too hard.

Anyway, today I finally got a birthday present for my friend (Georgina, if you're reading this, I'm really sorry it's so late). It was her birthday in May but I've never been good at being on time with things. I generally arrive slightly late for all events. I do try my best to get there on time but I never seem to manage it, and I prefer to be late anyway. I find when you get to things early then you spend a lot of time trying to look busy and pretending you're not just standing around like a lemon waiting for your friends to arrive. If you're late then the fun has usually already started and all that you have to do is join in.

I can't remember the last time I was early (or on time even) for anything. I have a boyfriend at the moment and I have failed to turn up on time for a single one of our dates. My friends now tell me to turn up 10 minutes before they want me there. I generally aim to catch the train before the one I actually catch and I have been known to miss up to three trains on the way to an event.

I guess I've just never been good at estimating how long it takes me to get ready for things, and there always seems to be better things to do. Sometimes I even deliberately arrange to be late for things, just so I don't have to be early.

All this has two exceptions, Have I got News for You and Big Brother. I can be on time for them.

Vanessa and Dan...victims of cruel fate

Big Brother

I cannot believe it!! Vanessa and Dan are up for eviction!!!!
It's dreadful, I like them both, why don't they get rid of Marco? I hope Emma and Michelle go next week.

Anyway, today I got lots of revision done for my exams tomorrow and thursday and now I should probably go and do some more.

Ooh, and I think I'm going to steal Richard's end of message thing in a slightly altered version, seeing as I don't play things. He can't complain seeing as he nicked it off some other girl in the first place (you don't mind, do you dear?)

sarah

Revising: Physics
Reading: OCR Advancing Physics tectbook Chapter 16 - Charge and Field
Listening to: Do it with Madonna (by some Australian people)
Watching: Big Brother's Little Brother (isn't Dermot lovely)
Annoyed with: the nominations!!!!
Confused about: how two rotating cylindrical coils produce a sinusoidal alternating current
Mood: more cheerful than that of yesterday

Back at school, again!

I have yet again sneaked up to the school library to visit illicit sites (such as the big brother website) whilst taking a break from revision. It's bloomin hot in here though! They have the windows open but it's still so stifling that this will have to be a short post cause, quite frankly, I'm not so dedicated to my blog that I will quietly boil whilst posting.

I'm doing more physics revision today, it's a little worrying that I can't find one of my folders (containing half my notes) but hopefully it'll turn up. I'm feeling rather smug right now cause some of the people taking physics retakes have been testing each other and I knew the answers to the questions that they couldn't do. Just in case anyone does not fully apprecitate the significance of this, this is material that I haven't studied for a year and that they have been revising for their exam today! I see no reason to be modest about it :)

I went to a japanese restaurant called Wagamama on saturday. They brought us these huge bowls of soup, noodles, vegetables etc (my friend's had a whole boiled egg in it!) with ladles and chopsticks to eat them with. It was lots of fun (although I did have to spend part of the evening trying to avoid the wandering feet of a certain tablemate) but I believe I may have bored my friends silly with my preocupation with a certain M. It's amazing how easy it is to find ways to relate any topic to the person you wish to talk about. For example:

My friend: "so who did you vote for in the elections on thursday? I voted for Steven Norris for mayor"

Me: "Steven Norris!!! but he's a foolish, idiotic, pessimistic conservative!! Mind you, so is Boris Johnson, and I suppose I might have considered voting for him. By the way, did I mention that M looks just like Boris Johnson..."

By the way, I may have to remove the photos of me from this blog cause I may have to deny that it is mine (which would be a little difficult with my face grinning out from it) but I don't know how to do it... any ideas?

Hehe

As I was sending that picture, this random heart appeared at the top of the screen and just sort of drifted down to the bottom. I know that some people reading this will now be looking at their screens with a cynical look on their face but it so happened!!!!

That is all I have to say, goodnight all.

A lovely picture for everyone!!

an artist's impression of my hair

Blogs

Wow, more and more people I know are now starting blogs! They're springing up everywhere!

Now, I have a small confession to make. I recently accused a certain person of not being assertive enough and made him take a test to prove this. He got 28, showing that he is indeed, unassertive. However, I then did the same test and got 20 indicating that I am even less assertive than him. I'm sorry Richard.

I'm currently having hair trouble at the moment. I put it in rollers earlier in lieu of my trip to the pub this evening but when I took the rollers out I discovered that my hair is huge! I am about to put emergency hair calming measures in place in the form of clips, bands etc but I don't know what I'm going to do for my upcoming school ball. If I do my hair myself it could well end up like this but I have an exam that afternoon which I can not really skip just to get my hair done.

The ball has been a great source of anxiety to me for many weeks. I found the dress months ago, but a suitable date has not been so readily forthcoming. I went through at least 6 different possible options before finding one and I'm still not sure that I chose the right one. This uncertainty is due to a mysterious figure known only as M (to you that is, I know their name) who arrived in my life a short while ago. However, in that short while, they have managed to cause confusion, guilt, arguments with friends and an awful lot of thinking, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Of mice and men

This has to be a brief post because I am now so bored at school and missing the company of people I can have a decent conversation with (one that doesn't run along the lines of "so, do you have a exam today?" "no") that I have decided to go home as soon as I finish this. However, I felt I had to say something after being shocked by the cynicism and lack of compassion towards small furry creatures from a certain person who shall not be named.

I have noticed myself becoming more cynical of late. I recently saw a pigeon limping along next to me at one of the many stations I visit on a regular basis and thought "I bet it's just doing that to get more sympathy". Luckily my conscience kicked it screaming "IT'S A PIGEON!!!!" and I was at once overcome with remorse at having doubted the intrinsic good of the world. There are very few times that I have attempted to kill poor defenceless little animals and after these incidents I have been so sorrowful that I vow never to do it again. The last thing I killed was a snail that I failed to see walking down a path and trod on and I was so upset that I burst in to tears.

On occasion my devotion to relieving the plight of living creatures does become a tiresome burden though. One day as I was walking home from work after a heavy rainstorm I came across a worm stranded in the middle of the tarmac path. Feeling sorry for it, I rescued it and put it on the grassy verge and continued on my way but had gone barely a metre when I came across a second worm. There were at least 20 worms on that short stretch of path and I was there for 30 minutes rescuing them all. I considered leaving the last few but I just couldn't do it, not after having given them hope by rescuing all the others.

Encouraging your cat to kill a poor defenceless mouse?? I am deeply shocked, certain person who shall not be named, deeply shocked.

Selachophobia

A lot of things have happened in the past few days, but none that I can really talk about, so instead I'm going to talk about the innocuous of my unreasonable fear of water.

For as long as I can remember, I've had nightmares about sharks in swimming pools. I learnt to swim at Tooting Leisure centre which had 2 types of different coloured tiles making up the pool floor. The shallow end was light blue and the deep end was dark blue. I was always fine in the light blue bit, but going in to the dark blue bit would absolutely terrify me. There was a ladder on the border and I would cling to it, refusing to move. All the instructors thought it was cause I was worried I wouldn't be able to swim all the way to the end so they'd stand there telling me I could do it and that it wasn't that far etc and I always felt too silly to tell them why I wouldn't do it. As the tiles were dark blue, the water looked really dark and deep and there was this grating at the bottom of the pool through which I always imagined a shark bursting.

It doesn't improve with different swimming pools either, as long as there's a grating etc, I'm scared of going near it.
http://www.mississippireview.com/2001/eldridge-sharks.html
The woman in this story probably sounds completely rediculous to you, but I understand exactly where she's coming from. I'm getting a lot better than I was though, I can sort of swim in swimming pools, as long as I keep an eye on what's going on around me. Things like doing front crawl still scare me though, cause you have to close your eyes. Oddly enough, as soon as I put on a pair of goggles and look under the water, I'm fine. I love swimming under water, and can quite imagine myself going scuba diving or something, although only if I was swimming along on the sea bed, I couldn't just swim around in the middle of the ocean. I think it's basically a fear of not knowing what's beneath me. Watching tv shows where they're splashing around on the surface of the sea scares me too.

People often don't seem to get that it's a real phobia. I was out with a boy the other day who was telling me about his fear of double decker buses falling over and how he can't go on the top deck of one, so I told him about my fear. He said "well that's easy to sort out, I'll take you swimming some time and we'll cure you, but my fear could actually happen so I can't get over it". I have been swimming many times; I know that, in reality, you could never get sharks in a swimming pool, but that doesn't help. I get even worse in the sea, or in any form of murky water. Some friends of mine didn't take my fear seriously a few years ago when we were on holiday in Spain. They wanted me to swim out to this platform a little way out in the sea; when I refused, they pursuaded me to lie on a bodyboard and they would tow me out. I started panicking almost as soon as we'd left the shore; I tried to scramble higher up the bodyboard to get myself completely out of the water; I screamed when I saw a plastic bag floating by beneath us, assuming it was a stingray! When they got me to the platform all I could do was sit in the middle of it shaking whilst they went on the slides etc. They very nearly didn't get me back in the water to go back to the beach.

I went kayaking a couple of months ago and at the end of the session my boat sank. At first, I refused to get out of the boat and tried to bale it out with my hands. Then, when it finally sank below me and I had no choice, I tried to haul myself up on to the front of the instructors boat, nearly sinking him as well. We were about 3 metres away from the shore and he told me to get off and swim to the jetty and I refused. Eventually he had to paddle to the shore (with me still clinging like a limpet to his boat) where my friends hauled me out of the water.

I would love to be able to swim or do water sports etc. Stuff like sailing, where I'm on top of the water, I love but as soon as it involves me being in the water, I panic. I tried waterskiing at this lake once but as soon as we started to pull away from the jetty I would let go each time because when you fell off you had to swim back to the jetty from there and I knew that I would never be able to swim back from the other side of the lake. Swimming the 10 metres from where I let go to the jetty was bad enough. Windsurfing was just as bad. When I fell off, I couldn't stay in the water and pull the sail up from there, I had to scramble back on to the board. I never really got anywhere with it cause I was too worried about falling off to actually windsurf. I think this picture accurately sums up my fears:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/surfer.asp

School

So here I am, back at school only a week after i last left it. Study leave was fun when we first had it back in year 10 but now I absolutely despise it. I would seriously prefer to go to lessons than have it.

Study leave for me mainly consists of sitting around at home (either alone or accompanied by one of my sisters), usually in my pyjamas, trying to motivate myself to work. I never last more than a week before I get so desparate for human companionship that I go back to school. Plus it's really stupid to send people home cause you get used to going to bed at 1am and not having to get up till 11 until suddenly you have an exam at 9 and you have to take it still half asleep. I never sleep well during the exam period anyway, the stress of worrying about whether I get enough sleep keeps me awake, so the last thing I need is to get into a bad routine.

On a lighter note, happy birthday to my good friend 'chard, who turned 16 yesterday! On my 16th birthday I went out and bought a lottery ticket, I got one number, it was very exciting. Ooh! that's what I'll get you for your birthday Richard, only I'll have to buy it just before I next see you, so do let me know when that will be.

It's quite strange being 18 now. I don't feel old enough to vote, or marry, and the thought of having to leave home in a few months is really scary.

It's lunchtime now and I'm rather hungry so I shall depart now. I don't know what to do for lunch, my friend Sophie was here earlier and we danced to Peter Andre and Barbie Girl, but she's had to go home now to make sure her brother goes to his exam.

Good luck to all my little friends taking biology GCSE today!

Fame continued

Plus, if you do a google search with my name, it comes up with articles about me, and me only! There is no-one else with my name notable enough to have their name mentioned on the web, I am indeed famous!

Fame

I've just been having a competition with my sisters, my lodger and my mother as to who has the best claim to fame. Several girls in my year have famous relatives or famous boyfriends, but I have neither of these and so have to make the best with what the hand of fate has dealt me. Eventually my mother won the competition for having been interviewed by Jeremy Paxman on newsnight, but I thought I had by far the most original entries.

1) My friend goes to school with Rochelle from S club 8.
My friend also tells me that a group of boys from their 6th form have a bet going to be the first to sleep with all the girls from S club 8. Apparently one of them has already bedded two of the girls but no-one has won yet, which is a good thing too cause some of the girls are about 11 and, quite frankly, it's really manky! oh! and my drama teacher also used to teach drama to Rochelle from S club 8.

2) I nearly met a bloke who used to be on Grange Hill.
This was at a church thing. There was a bloke there who looked really familiar, and as the evening went on I became convinced I knew him and had gone to school with him or something. As the evening drew to a close I decided to go up to him and introduce myself and I said so to a friend of mine, who promptly told me that I didn't know him but had, in fact, seen him on Grange Hill. Needless to say, I didn't go up to him after that.

3) I was laughed at by Royalty.
I was in the Golden Jubilee parade a couple of years ago (quite why I, as a republican, was chosen I don't know) and we had to march along for hours wearing luminous yellow t-shirts and waving flags. At one point we had to march past all the royal family assembled on a podium and I happened to be at the front of the crowd. As I approached, Prince William looked at me, then turned to Harry, whispered something, pointed at me, and they both laughed! Oh the indignity of it all.

Surely that should beat one measly tv appearance with Paxman!

the fountain

Revision

This will have to be a short post as I shall be returning to revision shortly.

I don't really like revision, it all seems a bit pointless. The whole point of going to school is to learn things, to expand your horizons and broaden your knowledge, not to learn how to regurgitate facts in an exam.

I really loved the physics course we did this year. Obviously we have to sit exams at the end, but we had coursework projects as well. For the first one, we had to pick a subject then go away and research on it then write a report. It was really difficult to decide on a subject because I didn't want to pick something really easy, but I wouldn't get a good mark if I chose something so difficult that I didn't understand half of it. Eventually I chose to wrote about Exoplanets (planets that are outside our solar system) after finding a really interesting article about them in Astronomy Now magazine. I researched all summer, it was really fun. I seriously considered going to Nottingham University simply because, when I went on their open day, they gave a talk on exoplanets. The bloke who gave it was really nice as well, he e-mailed me his whole presentation to help me with my report. The day before we went back to school I sat down in front of my computer and typed for about 14 hours straight, finally finishing late that evening (not the best way to work folks!).

The other piece of coursework was an experimental one. We had to design our own experiment then plan and carry out an investigation around it. I did experiments with fountains and it was so satisfying when I finally managed to find the right relationship. Plus it was lots of fun playing about with fountains, I got the lab rather wet in the process though. I do love physics.

Wednesday

Well, today has been an eventful day. Just a few short weeks ago my love life was totally empty, with only the occasional tumbleweed blowing past, and now it is so complicated I'm having troubling keeping up with it. But I'm not going to say any more about it.

But I am reminded of the time I went out with a 27 year old called Mr X (names have been changed to protect the identity of those concerned). I hardly ever get to tell the full story any more, so here it is.

A couple of years ago when I was just 16, I started going to my mum's boyfriend's keep fit class where I met a man named Mr X. Mr X was very nice to me and we became pals so when, down at the pub after the last class of the term, he turned to me and said "my mate often gets given free cinema tickets, I could take you some time if you want" I thought nothing of saying "yes! that would be great!".

It did occur to me that this little outing might be a little more friendly than I was anticipating, but I thought no, he's over a decade older than me, he must just be being nice...

So one afternoon Mr X picked me up and we sped off towards some cinema complex in his old and rather battered car. We arrived to find that the film didn't begin for another 2 hours so decided to go bowling to pass the time. It turned out that Mr X was rather good at bowling, so that even with the barriers down, he got a score of almost 300. I, on the other hand, had great difficulty hitting anything and scored about 30. My poor performance was not helped by the fact that Mr X kept grabbing my hand in an attempt to teach me how to bowl (an incident that made me think this was not quite the innocent outing I'd envisioned).

After 3 disastrous defeats at bowling I suggested we might have a go at pool, a game I am slightly better at. I offered to break and leaned over the pool table to take my first shot when it suddenly occured to me that I was wearing a rather low cut top. I immediately leaned back. The rest of the game entailed me trying to take shots at various balls whilst standing completely upright and keeping as much of the table between me and Mr X. I did do better at pool though, and won one game.

Anyway, after all this it was finally time for the film. We went into the cinema where I purchased the popcorn (after firm instructions from my mother that I must not let him pay for everything, or feel that I owed him anything), although at Mr X's insistance it was just the one large popcorn, I think he was hoping for hands brushing past one another in the popcorn bucket but I made very sure that didn't happen. As the film began, Mr X leaned towards me and whispered, "if you get scared, you can always hold my hand...". Somehow I managed to sit there through the whole film, although I was leaning as far away from him as possible. As soon as the film finished I was up and leaving the cinema with Mr X trailing along behind me. I told him I wanted to go home so we got back in his car and went back to my house. He parked outside and started to lean towards me, at which point I opened the door, jumped out, thanked him for taking me to the cinema and legged it towards my front door as fast as I could...

And, until very recently, that is the only date I had ever been on. It seems rather sad. Oh well, I've been telling the story of it ever since.

Viscious attacks

I have recently been accused by a certain person of terrible crimes, mainly divulging the secret of their blog to enemy forces. This I deny, for 2 reasons;

1) I did not know the blog was a secret

2) I did not directly tell said person of the existance of the blog, I simply mentioned it on my blog and he found his own way there!

However, I have attempted to rectify the situation and have taken steps to stop any more people (ie, a certain boyfriend) finding out about the blog.

pink hair when wet

pink hair when dry...

pink hair

Now I've mentioned the pink hair, I suppose I'd better show you what it looked like.

he he he

By the way, do you like my blog name? I laughed for ages when I thought it up.

Although, now I think about it, I only know two people who might get it, it's a very funny joke though...

Hopefully this works, this is me after having been bullied by mean make up people for several hours

The blog

Now, I do realise that a certain friend of mine has started a blog recently and this could be construed to be copying her idea, but it's not!

I decided to set up a blog yesterday, and did in fact attempt to do so on aol, but it wouldn't work so I thought I'd come join my friends on whatever this website is. Hello everybody!!

Currently I'm just trying to pass the time whilst scanning in all my photos from friday. I think my pink hair looked pretty good initially, although it does start to look less than perfect after repeated soakings with a water pistol.

Friday was fun, although rather sad. It was my last day of school ever so we didn't do a lot of work, just had parties and ate lots of food. At break we all traipsed into the main hall and played music and threw sweets at all the younger years. It was all fun until we started doing a conga line round the school and the girl at the front tried to force her way in to the staff room. The teachers stopped her of course, but even if they hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to follow her. The idea of doing something like that terrifies me! I like my teachers, and I know that the school rules etc are only for my own good so there doesn't seem a lot of point in trying to be bad. On Big Brother at the moment, Kitten keeps on breaking the rules deliberately, and although I know she's only doing it cause she's had a hard life and so has a problem with authority, I could never do that. Even if everyone else was being bad, I'd still be good. I'm a nice girl me.